An orgasm is a highly personal experience, and everyone feels it differently. But Elite Daily consulted experts to figure out some telltale signs you’re achieving your big O.
Generally, researchers say, orgasms are a peak moment in sexual arousal. The body releases tension and, in males, ejaculation occurs. In females, the vaginal walls contract.
Vaginal Contractions
The spasming of muscles around the pelvic area (called myotonia) is one of the most important signs that you orgasm. This muscle tension causes a release of feel-good chemicals in the brain, making you feel all-over pleasure. During orgasm, you might feel this sensation in your hands, feet, and even your face. This is normal and caused by the excitement of sexual arousal.
The tingling, warm, sexy feeling you feel during foreplay is due to increased blood flow, and most of that blood is headed toward your clitoris. This tissue, which consists of over 8,000 nerve endings, swells and enlarges during orgasm. As you get closer to climax, the outer lips of your inner labia separate from each other and become darker in color.
Stimulating the G-spot, an erogenous zone on the front of the vaginal wall, can trigger orgasm. The G-spot is made up of erectile tissue that wraps around the clitoral hood and urethra. Some women can orgasm with penetration of the glans, while others need only stimulation of the G-spot to reach their peak.
You can also have an orgasm without touching the glans, but that is less common and often involves a lot of foreplay beforehand. If you do orgasm this way, look for muscle contractions or spasms, a flushed face, heavy breathing, and an increase in the libido.
Screaming
Whether you’re a man or woman who needs clitoral stimulation, it can be hard to tell when you actually have an orgasm. This is particularly true when you’re new to the whole experience. “Cues borrowed from porn and erotic narratives make it easy to fake a climax, so many people never learn what it feels like to have one for real,” says Romper’s own Queen.
When it comes to orgasms, everyone’s body has different involuntary responses that tell them they have reached a sexual peak. Some of these include a feeling of build-up, and then the sudden release of tension. You may also feel contractions in your genital area, moaning, pelvic lifting or thrusting, and increased heartbeat. For some men, orgasms are accompanied by the release of fluid from the penis.
Screaming is also often present in orgasms, and it’s not just a sexual gratification. It can be a way to vent, to express anger or sadness, and it can also be a way to show excitement.
Women who have orgasms often describe them as feeling like fireworks or a cresting ocean wave, while men tend to compare it to a metal guitar riff or a powerful vocal performance. Regardless of what orgasms sound like to each individual, they all result in a gratifying physical response that brings satisfaction to the entire body.
Feeling Uncomfortable
Like a sneeze or a cough, orgasms are something you can’t stop once they start. So if you’re trying to tell the difference between your toe-curling or sheet-grabbing impulses and real climax, it can be helpful to look for specific cues like changes in breathing or noise. According to Queen, some partners may even become quiet and still at this point, as orgasms can trigger the release of oxytocin and dopamine, hormones that make us feel relaxed and happy.
If you orgasm and then feel uncomfortable immediately afterward, it could be a sign of pelvic floor dysfunction. “If those muscles are contracted during orgasm but don’t completely release, it can cause pain and tightness,” says DuFlo. A pelvic physical therapist can help you understand how your muscles work so you can stretch and relax them.
Dysorgasmia is a common problem, and it can have a lot of different causes. A history of sexual trauma, issues in your relationship, or a medical condition that affects blood flow and nerve supply to the pelvis can all play a role. But other factors can be as simple as a woman simply not orgasming all the time, which is totally normal and not necessarily caused by any internal or external factor. Still, it’s important to check in with yourself and your partner and talk about what you’re both experiencing.
Feeling Light
When a person reaches the peak of sexual arousal, they typically experience muscle contractions in the genitals, as well as a feeling of pleasure. For men, this often leads to ejaculation. But for women, there aren’t the same clear-cut physical indicators as for men — meaning it can be difficult to know when you’ve reached orgasm status.
This is partly because orgasms feel different for every person. For example, some women describe orgasms as feeling like a sneeze — both experiences start with a buildup of tension and end with a sudden release. Others say they orgasm in different ways depending on the kind of stimulation they receive, including orally, intercourse, anal stimulation, and even sex toys.
It can also be hard to tell if you orgasm if you’re in between contractions or if your climax is coming and going. That’s because, as Queen explains, “some people experience a plateau on the way to orgasm,” where the arousal seems to stop building. But this doesn’t mean you haven’t orgasm-ed yet — it just means your climax might be a little bit closer than expected.
And it’s important to remember that orgasms don’t necessarily have to involve penetrative sex — women and men can orgasm during foreplay, masturbation (yes, ladies!), or while rubbing their bodies together. The key is to find whatever type of sexual stimulation makes you feel the most arousal and pleasure.
