An orgasm is one of the body’s sexual responses to reaching a high level of sexual arousal. Both men and women can reach climax with different stimuli, including masturbation, erotic books or movies, ethical porn and even just listening to sexy music.
You can orgase by stimulating your clitoris, vagina or cervix — or any combination of the three. Remember, however, that pleasure is a full-body experience and so is getting to orgasm.
Sex Toys
The old standby advice to “relax and it will happen” isn’t always going to cut it when it comes to orgasms. You have to consciously go for them, and sex toys can make the process easier—whether you’re masturbating alone or with a partner.
If you’re having trouble finding orgasming sensations in the usual spots (nipples, breasts, neck), try exploring the erogenous zones on other parts of your body like your shoulders and hands. These areas are full of tiny nerve endings that can give you intense pleasure, especially if you use stimulating massage techniques.
You can also stimulate the anterior fornix on the front of your vagina, known as the A-spot. Research suggests it may be a powerful orgasm trigger for some people. Stimulating this area with your fingers or a sex toy can help, and you can increase the intensity by adding lubrication.
You can even get a combo orgasm by stimulating your vagina and clitoris at the same time, says sex therapist Sari Cooper. The rabbit vibrator is perfect for this. It has two motors that work independently to stimulate the clitoral and vaginal areas—and it’s easy to get into the different settings to find the most pleasurable combination. Plus, you can take it on the go and use it anywhere. It fits in your hand, and it’s discreet.
Sex Exercises
While you can build your arms, abs and chest all day long, getting a mindblowing orgasm is largely a pelvic-floor thing. That’s why it’s important to regularly practice sexual exercises that strengthen your vaginal muscles. In addition to Kegel exercises (clenching the muscle you would squeeze if you were going to pee yourself in public), consider doing tummy crunches, lunges and hip thrusts.
Exercise-induced orgasms are not only a great way to prepare for sex, they’re also an excellent source of pleasure on their own. Many women report that their first exercise-induced orgasm occurred while climbing a rope in gym class—the friction between the thighs combined with the repetitive, torsional exertion of the workout gave them a tingly sensation they couldn’t explain at the time.
Many experts agree that masturbation can help you figure out exactly what kind of pressure and friction turns you on, which can then be translated into sex with your partner. “Masturbating yourself allows you to figure out your needs and what makes you feel good, so you can communicate those things to your sex partner,” psychotherapist and author of She Comes First Ian Kerner tells SELF.
But don’t put a timeline on how long it takes for you to figure out what turns you on and off. Generally speaking, the body doesn’t respond very well to being rushed, so let it take its sweet time.
Sex Games
One of the most important things you can do to make yourself orgasm is to play sexual games, which not only build sexual tension and arousal but also help you communicate with your partner. Whether you go for literal sex board games like the one from Astroglide or more classic games that include things like stripping down, licking body parts, and even talking dirty, there are tons of options that can get you in the mood for orgasms.
It’s also a good idea to get to know your clitoris, and the best way to do that is by playing with it. You’ll want to locate the external clitoral nerve (that little nub sticking out of the top of your vulva) and the G spot, which is located about an inch and a half inside your vagina toward your belly button. Then, try rubbing the area and experimenting with different pressures to see what feels most orgasmic to you.
It’s also a good idea to practice masturbating on your own. That way, you can figure out what kind of pressure and speed of stimulation you need to orgasm. And it will also help you to know what to communicate with your partner when the time comes to bring them in. After all, if you don’t know what turns you on, how do you expect your partner to magically be able to read your mind?
Sex Music
Finding the perfect soundtrack for life’s more intimate moments is practically an art form. But a good playlist can do more than just help you set the mood for intimacy-it can actually boost your pleasure during sexual activity. Researchers have found that music activates the same reward pathways in the brain as food and drugs, so it can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
But it’s important to note that not all music is created equal when it comes to sexual arousal. For example, erotic orgasm-triggering songs need to be sensual without being overtly sexual. One of our favorite tips for triggering an orgasm is listening to music with rhythmic instrumentals and sensual vocals.
You can also find sexy tunes that aren’t explicit but still make you feel hot and horny, such as Phoebe Bridgers’s “Moon Song.” This soft and smooth track is a sultry testament to desire, with stripped-back instruments and soothing vocals. It’s a perfect song to play during pre-sexual activities or while you and your partner are masturbating together.
While many women struggle to reach climax, experts say that the key to orgasm-triggering stimulation is to focus on pleasure in the moment. For that reason, it’s essential to stay present during your masturbation session and stop worrying about your body’s aches or the little scar on your nipple.
