If you’re new to the kink community, munches are a great place to meet people. They’re low-pressure events that discourage fetish attire and BDSM play. It’s a good idea to message the munch organizer ahead of time, so they can keep an eye out for you.
Some newcomers experience swarming, where they’re approached by many men or women for conversation. This can be overwhelming, so it’s best to attend munches with a friend.
What is a munch?
When new people ask how to get into kink, it is likely they will be told “go to a munch!” A munch is a group of kinky people in a vanilla setting – usually a pub or cafe. Munches are great places to meet other kinksters, and to socialize in a non-sexual way. They are also a great place to learn about kink and the scene in general. However, newbies may be nervous about what to expect at a munch, and worry they won’t fit in or won’t be ‘kink enough’.
Many munches have organizers or greeters who attend most or all of them, and are often available to welcome newcomers, answer questions, and introduce them to other members. Some munches have specific rules for attendees (such as no collars), and some are only open to members of certain groups such as TNG, under25, over35, etc.
If you are a newbie, don’t assume that everyone at the munch will want to be your friend. Most of the time, this is not the case. Many kinksters at a munch have day jobs, families, friends and other interests outside of kink. Some will have partners, and it is a good idea to respect their relationship dynamic when at a munch. Likewise, be careful not to use a munch as a place to hit on people you don’t know, or to make lewd comments about their fetish interests.
How do I find a munch?
A munch is a good way to get acquainted with the local kink scene, especially as a nervous novice. Munches are low-pressure events geared towards welcoming newcomers into the community in a non-playful setting. They are often held in a vanilla setting such as a pub, and most people wear normal clothes (no fetish gear).
There are different kinds of munches; some may be focused on a particular type of play, or they might be open to certain genders or age groups. For example, some munches are for M/F dominants and submissives only, or they might be a TNG munch. You can find these events on fetlife, or by checking the kink event listings on your local community websites.
It is important to remember that the munch participants are strangers, so it’s important to keep your personal information to yourself. You should also be respectful of other people’s boundaries, and avoid asking probing questions about their lifestyle or kink history.
Getting to know people at munches will help you build trust and friendships that can lead to more intense and intimate kink experiences, including sex. Developing these connections will also be valuable if you decide to become a more active participant in the Kink community, as they can serve as a safety net when navigating unfamiliar territory such as power dynamics and physical intimacy.
What should I wear to a munch?
Many newbies go to their first munch hoping that it will be the place where they meet the Dom or Mistress of their dreams. However, the truth is that 99% of munches are vanilla gatherings that do not involve any sort of sexual activities. They are meant as an ice-breaker for people to get to know each other and to make connections within the local scene.
There are people of all different kinky interests at a munch, from light Dominance and submission through to hardcore D/s play and beyond. Most groups are open to trans*, gender fluid and non-binary people as well.
When you are at a munch, do not touch anyone without their consent or pressure them into doing anything they don’t want to do. If someone is bothering you, say ‘no’ or’red’ and find the munch organiser to report them to.
It’s a good idea to join the munch group discussion thread on Fetlife and introduce yourself before you go to your first event. If you do this, you will start to see the same faces at the munches and might feel less nervous about going in person. It’s also a good way to check the etiquette for your local munch before you attend, as etiquette can vary between groups. Then, you can go with confidence and enjoy yourself.
What should I expect at a munch?
There are no set expectations for a munch – most people go just to meet up with people they like, talk and enjoy each other’s company. The people at a munch are usually from the local kink/fetish community and you will find them all sorts of folks, in all roles. Some munches are very casual and have a relaxed vibe, others have a more structured atmosphere. It really depends on the group and the organisers so you need to try out a few to see what suits you. It’s generally accepted that people will be dressed in street clothes and there won’t be a lot of obvious kink gear on display (although discrete collars are okay). Most munches are held in vanilla settings so overt kinky conversation is frowned upon, especially if other non-kinky patrons can overhear it.
As a nervous novice, you should feel safe at a munch as it’s less sexualised than stepping into a dungeon party for the first time or going on a date with someone who’s bedroom is equipped with bondage tie-downs screwed to the wall above their bed. If you do happen to encounter any uncomfortable behaviour, you can always say ‘red’ or ‘no’ loudly if you don’t want to participate in something. Knowing the jargon used in the BDSM lifestyle can also help you avoid these situations by being more understanding of others’ boundaries and limits.
